Questions You Can Ask To Uncover Underlying Needs for Improved Communication

Emotional intelligence (EI) is at the core of effective communication as you have heard me say many times. When you have high EI, you have self-awareness around your own emotions and behaviors and can better see those of someone else. In the areas I train, speak, and coach on, I talk a lot about how that awareness allows you to better connect with others. It’s about building rapport and long-term relationships when you communicate on a deeper level because you understand your underlying needs as well as can recognize those of the person you’re talking to. 

Here are some questions you can ask yourself and think about others around you that provide clues and insight to uncover underlying needs:

• “When someone disagrees with your opinion, what is the first or strongest emotion you feel?”
• “When someone wants to debate something that you have a strong conviction for, what is the best approach they can take in having that discussion with you?”
• “Do you tend to avoid or confront conflict?” 
• “Do you often volunteer for tasks that others don’t want?”
• “Do you like routine and processes? Are you fairly regimented?”
• “Do you often shy away from taking risks or embrace them?”
• “Do you always strive for success and seek out growth opportunities? 

Thinking about the above answers allows you to explore what motivates and excites you, or, what turns you off. Understanding these things about yourself allows you to understand how you respond in certain situations and potentially adjust as needed. As you recognize these elements or behaviors in others you can become a much more powerful communicator. When you understand what motivates someone or shuts them down, you can choose language and courses of action that meet their inherent needs or change your course of action in the moment to right a conversation going south.

When you can do these things effectively, individuals feel heard and respected. You will build rapport and stronger relationships that last over time. Fill out our contact form for more information from Paul