Why We Unintentionally Disconnect in Conversations

Does anyone else feel like no one really listens anymore? I mean really leans in to hear what the other person is saying? 

We too often listen with an ear to respond. That is human, but it causes disconnection with the other person. So, why do we do this?

Sadly, we are easily distracted now. With so much technology and constantly taking in information from screens (multiple sometimes) as well as other people, our brains are now trained to multitask more than ever. So, right in the middle of a conversation, our thoughts can be hijacked by pings or thinking about your own to-do list. Much of the time, we disconnect without even meaning to. That’s why when a person fully invests in a conversation, people feel uniquely understood and heard.

Other reasons we disconnect is that we listen with an ear to fix the other person’s problem over actually hearing what they are saying. Advice is easier and faster than empathy but it leaves the other person feeling unheard and sometimes frustrated.

Maybe we rush ahead to protect ourselves. Ever notice that you are disconnecting to defend your point or your actions? We all do it, but that is a moment to acknowledge defensiveness and reset. Take a deep breath the refocus so you can stay engaged and match their tone.

For a connection to happen, you have to get curious. Try asking something like, “can you say more about that?” Then wait for their response. 

In a conversation, our presence always trumps our performance. In other words, people don’t remember our perfect points, but they will remember whether they felt listened to and heard.